On Sourdough, Attachment Theory and Existential Dread

On Sourdough, Attachment Theory and Existential Dread

How are you? A friend texted this morning. 

Can’t shake the low lying existential dread in the back of my mind, but able to make GF sourdough crepes despite it. I reply

I’d made the batter up the night before, so the batter could bubble, expand and take on that irresistible sour flavor over night. This morning, as the dull awareness of yet another day in social isolation broke over me, the thought of it sitting there on my counter, buoyed me. 

I ladled it on to a hot pan, watching as the bubbles formed lacy edges to the crepes, evoking memories of my childhood, Sunday morning crepes, while my father played the classical radio station and no one was in a rush to go anywhere. It’s not Sunday, maybe it’s Tuesday? 

Sourdough mania seems to be one of the more delightful outcomes of this pandemic. Like the TP shortages, this one doesn’t make any rational sense. There is nothing about sourdough that would seem to relate to a global pandemic. 

Why then are we all turning to this simple practice?

Maybe it was originally inspired by a shortage in bread yeast, but I think it goes deeper than that. Is it that we remember and take comfort from one of our oldest ancestors? The humble lactobacillus? 

Long long ago, our single celled ancestors formed an alliance with bacteria that made multi-cellular organization possible. Made us possible. Some biologist believe that the origin of our mitochondria was bacterial in nature. Biologist estimate that of all the cells in a human body, at least half, and maybe 2/3rds of them belong to bacteria. 

Before they knew what cells were, our human ancestors were fermenting bread doughs, vegetables, meat and anything else they could get their hands on. I’m sure it wasn’t lost on them that food kept longer when it was intentionally fermented. Did they also realize it make the nutrients more bio-available? 

It is possible that our current obsession with sourdough is ancestor. But it is also something deeper. 

In attachment theory we talk about shared rhythm as being one of the foundations for co-regulation. Rhythm is a basic signal to our nervous system that all is well. Threat has no rhythm, no predictability, it is chaos. 

In rhythm we re-establish safety. We see this in the many singing and dancing traditions that accompany religion and celebration, but we also see it in smaller ways: games, meals, greetings, walks. 

My daily feeding and checking the sourdough has become such a rhythm, and I find I’m relying on it more than usual right now. 

Attachment theory places emphasis on human-to-human co-regulation, but many, myself included, have been calling to broaden that discussion. We co-regulate with the more-than-human-world all the time. A call and response to the universe that tells us all is well. This is one of the foundations of animism. 

These macro-rhythms exist in the seasonal rituals of planting and harvesting, honoring the waxing and waning of the moon, but also in daily micro-rhythms. 

I boil the water, pour it over my tea, wait, the tea responds by saturating that water with tannins, caffeine, theobromine and a myriad of other small chemical miracles that scientists are still only discovering. 

I weigh and measure the flour and water, mix it into my sourdough, and the culture responds by consuming it and producing carbon dioxide, lactic acid and a myriad of other small chemical miracles that scientists are still only discovering. 

Rhythm can be a form of prayer, if you want to think of it that way. “Brew” I whisper to my tea, “Eat, grow” I whisper to my sourdough. “Eat, be well” I whisper to my family. A call and response with the universe that tells you all is well. 

Or even if all is not completely well, can we still make the sourdough in spite of it?

Vanessa Couto: New moon energy for fall 2019

Vanessa Couto: New moon energy for fall 2019

Vanessa Couto is an archetypal astrologer, artist and teacher. Her passion is to help her clients align their soul’s purpose with right livelihood through their business. Weaving archetypal astrology and story she helps you see the bigger picture of how your soul’s purpose and business are intertwined – beckoning you to express all spokes of your life’s wheel in your business branding. She’s also the creator of the coloring book: The Astrology of Joy – The Sun’s Heroic Journey. 

For this episode, we will talk about archetypes of transformation as seen through the monthly New Moon, and explore the upcoming cosmic weather for the next three months. 

Listen here:

or on iTunes or Google Play.

Carrot Quinn on Writing, Trauma and Hiking

Carrot Quinn on Writing, Trauma and Hiking

I got to speak to writer and professional hiker, Carrot Quinn, this past spring. Full disclosure, Carrot has been a good friend for over 10 years now, and I am so excited to get to have her on this podcast.

Carrot graciously shared a bit of her writing with us, a passage from her hike across the Brooks range last summer. This leads us to a discussion about risk and fun while hiking in remote wilderness areas.

The conversation then turns to what Alaska represents for her. Carrot was born in Anchorage and lived there until she was nearly a teenager. Carrot describes what childhood was like for her growing up in poverty with a mentally ill mother, and finding her father at the age of 20. She also describes her emotional connection to the Boreal Forests of the Anchorage area. Her new book The Sunset Route is about the story of her childhood and the time she spent in her 20s hopping trains in the continental US. We talk a bit about grief and trauma and how writing helps her put order to the chaotic experience of growing up, but also how it’s really hard for her to revisit that time in her life.

We talk a little bit about the concept of home, and how growing up with CPTSD has made it hard for her to stay in one place for long.

We then move towards a discussion of politics and privilege within the long-distance hiking community, and how white supremacy is the foundation of our modern wilderness system. This leads to a discussion about our current policies at the southern border and how our government devalues the humans that are currently dying in the deserts of Arizona and New Mexico.

This goes on to a discussion about why conservation and environmental movements must be lead by indigenous people and people of color.

Listen to the full episode here:

Or find it here: iTunes or Google Play
Please support No More Deaths or Aguilas-Del-Desierto and Defend the Sacred AK.

To subscribe to Carrot’s blog visit her website Carrotquinn.com

I also encourage you to check out her first book: Thru-Hiking Will Break Your Heart.

Find out more about the Enchantment Practices here.

Erin-Ashley Kerti: Being a Professional Psychic

Erin-Ashley Kerti: Being a Professional Psychic

Becoming a professional psychic

I recently sat down with Erin-Ashley Kerti to talk about what it takes to go pro at being a psychic. She related to me the story of how she came to her gifts reluctantly, having grown up in a very skeptical and scientific family. An undeniable experience led her to start exploring the visions she had been having.

We discussed whether everyone has psychic gifts (spoiler: they do), and her recommendations for budding psychics who want to hone their skills.

The approach Erin-Ashley takes will surprise you, her advice: have fun!

Erin-Ashley gave me the low down on the typical time frame it takes to develop your gifts enough to start charging for them, and why it is good for the world if more people start owning their gifts.

She also gave me her energy forecast for the next 5 years, and emphasized the importance of developing coping strategies so that you can still get clear messages during tumultuous times.

We ended our interview with a brief discussion of ethics.

Listen to the full interview here:

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You can find out more about Erin-Ashley and her Pro Psychics Mechanics course at her website: www.spiritualmechanic.com

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