I actually wrote this post last year, in a hot minute of vulnerability and inspiration. I wrote it and then promptly buried it in the unpublished section of this blog. I felt way to exposed to publish it. Re-reading it this year, I actually love it, and wanted to send it out to all of you. (So for those of you keeping track: No I did not have another baby this year.)
So here is to perspective. No matter how vulnerable or messy or embarrassing your struggles may seem, in a year everything will look different. Happy Solstice, Happy New Year!
December 21, 2013:
What a year.
This time last year I was newly pregnant, not sure my relationship was going to make it, and deeply deeply afraid of what was to come.It has been a year of being knocked to the ground by love, of being stripped of illusions, and having to let go of every single shred of fairy tale fantasy that I harbored about what a good relationship is.
It has been a year of facing my own shame, of being completely robbed of any luxury to be perfect. It has been a year of learning to forgive, and learning that love is messy and raw and can heal almost anything. It has been a year of getting it wrong, and picking myself up from the dust. It has been a year of listening to my own gut, even doing so meant that I lost relationships. It has been a year of facing my loneliness.
This is the year I became a mother. Brought my beautiful son into this world. It was the year I learned what I was made of. This was the year I learned what love truly is. This was the year I had my heart cracked open wider than I ever thought possible, as I gave in to the utterly scary prospect of loving my son so fiercely and deeply that I will never be the same.
I lost friendships this year. I lost teachers. I lost what I thought my path was going to be. And instead I find myself taking each step blindly, not knowing where its going to lead. Only know that the next step is the right one.
This was the year I stopped trying to be what I am not. And this was the year finally accepted the truth about my work here. Which is you. You, beautiful human. You, in all your flaws and struggles, and pain. You in all your beauty. You in your sickness. You in all that you feel is wrong with you.
My one wish for you this coming year is that you stand in your darkness, and you stand in your light, and that you might see that both are beautiful. That you will see that you are perfect, exactly as you are. And if I can shine just a little bit of the light I found this year for you, to help you in your journey, it would be my deepest honor.
photo credit: tillwe via photopin cc